Sherlocked Avengers of the Tardis Trek Ring
by Alex Hollister
Summary: Loki is dead after helping Thor, but can Clint Barton save him, and will he choose to? To bring the demigod back, he must travel through several fandoms with the help of a madman in a box. Cross-over includes Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Doctor Who, Mission Impossible, and Sherlock. Some spoilers for Star Trek and Thor 2 only. Characters: Khan, Scotty, Tenth Doctor, Eomer, Bilbo.
1. SAotTTR 1

Clint Barton stumbled out of bed towards the kitchen, groggily pouring himself a cup of coffee and adding several spoons of sugar. Fluffy (1), his cat, rubbed up against his sweatpants and left a streak of fur. He scooped him up in one hand and retired to the kitchen table, where he turned on the news on his iPad and sat down to drink with the cat on his lap. He rested his chin in his hands as he stared at the screen. It was all boring, same old stuff.

Ever since SHIELD had begun working on Project Insight, Fury had kept him away from the headquarters, usually doing paltry tasks like helping out the IMF or, worst of all, training new recruits. Barton was angry. He knew nothing about the project except its name, but he did know for a fact that Brock Rumlow was on the strike team, and that curdled his soul. Rumlow was smart, strong, and well-trained, but he hadn't been in SHIELD as long as Barton and he certainly hadn't been as helpful to them. Who was it that had infiltrated Loki's secret hideout, Barton wanted to know? At least he had one consolation: Nat didn't know anything more than he did. But she was at least working at important things, like helping out Rogers. He was just stuck here in London, waiting for Fury to finally tell him what to do.

He grunted in annoyance and slid Fluffy onto the table before going to the fridge and taking out some milk for his cereal. He reached for Cap'n Crunch, but for some reason that reminded him of Rogers and in turn of Natasha, so he went for Lucky Charms instead. It reminded him of Loki. He missed Loki a little bit. He knew he shouldn't, and was angry at himself for feeling that way. It was just his brainwashing acting up. Sometimes he still thought like a Frost Giant, which was freaky. He didn't need another therapy session right now. Those talks with the psychiatrist were half the reason Fury wouldn't let him near SHIELD headquarters. Frankly, the Director was scared of him.

There was a loud, explosive sound from his iPad and he turned quickly, stepping towards it as what looked like a gigantic spaceship appeared on screen.

"No way," he said to Fluffy. "Is that the Royal Naval Academy? Who's landing a spaceship in Greenwich?"

He looked closer as a red cape flew across the screen.

"Oh, I should have known. Thor, you really need to stop making your brother mad. I got to see if Nat is seeing this!"

He ran to his bedroom for his phone. He Snapchatted Natasha a picture of the news, and then realized that he had missed three messages in the night. Who was texting him in the middle of the night? It couldn't be Natasha because he had her on a special ringtone which he had programmed himself to wake up to. He opened them and his eyes grew wide.

2:14 am

(1)Dear Agent Barton,

My idiot of a brother is trying to save his girlfriend's life whilst defying his father. (Who is not my father.) He asked for my help but I have a bad pre

(2)monition about it. I would feel much safer if you joined us on Svartalfheim. Do it for an old friend? –Loki of Jotunheim

6:21 am

(3) Barton for Odin's sake, please

"Who does he think he is?" demanded Clint. "And it's totally obvious he's just attacking Thor now and I don't want to get in that dude's way."

He texted back.

-Go back to Jotunheim, you frosty freak. And if I were you, I'd leave Thor alone. Getting my bow to go help him now so back off.

He went to get his bow from his bedroom, tossing his cereal bowl in the sink. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out.

-Who is this?

He rolled his eyes.

-Barton, bruh. Who else has a bow?

-Barton, please help us, Malekith is attacking the universe and Thor lost his hammer and Eric and Darcy need help, please come quick.

Barton raised an eyebrow.

-Don't try to trick me, Loki, I'm not falling for it.

-This isn't Loki this is Jane. Loki was using my phone. He's dead now.

"What!?" Clint collapsed on the bed and stared at his phone. "That's not possible."

-No way is he really?

There was no answer. He began to pack up his bow as he waited, but when he was suited up ten minutes later and there was still no response, he began to be worried.

"What's the fastest way to Greenwich?" he asked Fluffy.

He glanced at the iPad, then jumped forward and looked more closely.

"This is unbelievable," stuttered the newscaster. "The entire spaceship has just disappeared. It's gone. What happened? I can't explain. . ."

"This day better not get any more crazy," said Barton, "or I'm going to assemble the Avengers. Fluffy, wait here till I get back!"

He dashed out the door and down the stairs of the apartment complex, then out into the street, where people were gathered, staring wide-eyed at the sky. Barton raced past them and for once, nobody turned to stare at the crazy guy with the bow. As he darted past an alley a loud whooshing sound and fluctuating blue light caught his attention. He stopped and looked over into the shadows by a bunch of garbage bins.

A large, blue, box-like thing was wedged comfortably between the two houses, blocking the alleyway. It read Police Public Call Box at the top. Barton rolled his eyes as the door opened and a floppy-haired man in a brown suit stepped out. He looked at his box, then at Barton.

"Hello!" he said. "I'm the Doctor. Excuse me, but could you tell me what year it is?"

"It's 2013," said Barton. "And you could have gotten here a little bit sooner!"

"Why, what's going on?" asked the man in the box.

"A spaceship just landed in Greenwich," said Barton. "And then disappeared again."

"What?" asked the Doctor. "What? What? I really should have seen that on my timey-wimey-detector but the Tardis is having problems at the moment. What kind of spaceship?"

"It was big, cross-like thing," said Barton.

"Show me! Run!"

"It's not there anymore," said Barton, running through the streets after the Doctor. "Like I said, it disappeared."

"Who was flying it?" asked the Doctor.

"I don't know, I think she said it was somebody named Malekith?"

"Oh," said the Doctor, pausing. "That's not good."

"Why not?" asked Barton, coming up alongside him. "Who is he?"

"He's a Dark Elf," said the Doctor. "But he wasn't always. You see, he's by way of being a sort of relative of mine."

"I thought you didn't have any relatives," said Barton.

"No, well, not exactly. He, um, well, in a way, he used to be me."

"What!?" asked Barton.

"Not exactly," said the Doctor, "it's just that when we regenerate, our old incarnations kind of float around in time and space and sometimes, you know, they get taken over by other lifeforms. So, if you know what I mean. . ."

"So it's not you," said Barton, "it just looks like you."

"I'm not even sure it does," said the Doctor, "but it probably looks enough like me."

"To what?"

"Be dangerous," said the Doctor. He whipped out his sonic screwdriver. "Now where did you say it went?"

"It just disappeared," said Barton, as the Doctor pointed his screwdriver at the sky and took some readings.

"Wait!" he said. "What am I even thinking? This is the Convergence! That's why the Tardis isn't working well! This is an absolute time and space anomaly!"

"Look!" said Barton, pointing. He had glimpsed a red cape amidst the wreckage by the Academy. "Thor's still here."

He ran towards it, the Doctor following. Jane Foster looked up as Barton ran towards them and Thor pushed himself to a sitting position.

"What happened?" Barton demanded.

"I sent the ship to Svartalfheim!" said Selvig, walking up with a strange device in his hands.

"But what about whoever was flying it?" said Barton. "Where's Malekith?"

"The Dark Elf has returned to Svartalfheim as well, Agent Barton," said Thor.

"But he might still be alive!" cried the Doctor.

"What happened to Loki?" asked Barton.

Thor looked at the ground. "My brother," he said, "fell on the slopes of Svartalfheim while fighting the Kursed. May his soul rest there in peace."

The Doctor started backing away.

"Where are you going?" demanded Barton.

"Svartalfheim," said the Doctor. "I have to find out if Malekith is still alive."

Barton ran after him. "I'm coming with you."

"Why?"

"There's something I have to see."

"All right," said the Doctor. "Allonsy-y!"

He jumped into the blue box and looked back at Barton.

"One condition," he said. "You have to leave the bow."

"It's not a gun!" protested Hawkeye.

"What are you going to do?" asked the Doctor. "Shoot an arrow at a Dark Elf?"

"Isn't that the way elves fight? I take my bow everywhere. I'm not leaving without it."

"Keep it in the Tardis, then," said the Doctor.

"OK," said Hawkeye. He jumped in and the Doctor began fiddling with the controls. "But only while I'm in it, too."

The Doctor scowled. "I'm going to drop you off in Middle Earth," he threatened.

The Tardis whooshed a few times, then stopped. The Doctor ran to the door and looked out, then slammed the door quickly.

"Give me a sec," he said. "That was Kronos of the Klingons. Not exactly somewhere we want to be right now."

"Why not?" asked Barton, with interest, heading for the door. The Doctor pulled him back and worked the controls again. "Because it's about to get a lot of missiles shot at it," he said.

"Well, aren't you supposed to stop that?" asked Barton.

"Eh, I'm sure they'll work it all out," said the Doctor, evasively. He went back to the door. Here we go, Svartalfheim. The Tardis is having a little trouble, sorry. The Convergence is throwing it off."

He and Barton stepped out of the Tardis and onto the cold, windy slopes of Svartalfheim.

"We'll never find either of them here!" said Barton.

"Either of them?" asked the Doctor. He hesitated as Barton didn't respond. "Oh, I see. Somebody you knew?"

"He wasn't exactly a friend," said Barton. "But –" He paused, looking out at the dark world. "He asked for my help just before he died." He slapped himself in the head. "It's probably just my mind playing tricks again but somehow, I want to see him."

The Doctor pointed. "Is that the ship you were talking about?"

They walked over toward the rubble of a huge, cross-shaped spaceship, slipping and sliding down the hillside and kicking up little rocks. The Doctor walked along it, scanning it with his sonic screwdriver. Then he turned off the blue light and sighed.

"I'm not getting any life readings," he said.

Barton looked around. "This place doesn't feel like it's had any life readings in ages," he said. Suddenly, a shape on the ground some distance away caught his attention. "There!"

He ran over towards the green and black form, followed by the Doctor. The dark hair, the pale skin and thin frame were all too familiar, but the face was grey, the eyes were open and empty of the old, mischievous glint. Barton felt for a pulse but there was nothing. The wind blew dust around them as they stood there, looking down at the demigod's lifeless form.

"I'm just kinda surprised," said Barton. "After all this time, he's finally gone. I wonder who did it?"

The Doctor sighed. "I don't think there's anybody alive on this planet but you and me," he said. "Let's leave."

Barton nodded, still staring at Loki.

"Why did he call for me?" he asked.

"What?" asked the Doctor.

"Why did he ask me for help? Why ask anybody? Loki doesn't ask for help."

The Doctor shrugged, sympathetically.

"Am I really his only friend in the world?" asked Barton. "Was I the only person he thought would ever help him out?"

"Come on, Agent Barton," said the Doctor.

"Doctor," said Barton, still not moving.

"What?"

"You got plans tonight?"

"Not really."

"Good."

Barton turned around and started walking towards the Tardis.

"I don't like the way you said that," said the Doctor, pursuing him. "What's good?"

"I'm not asking for anything long-term," said Barton, turning towards him as he walked. "Just one trip, that's all."

"Wait, wait, wait," said the Doctor. "You know what one trip turns into."

"I'm not interested in any of that," said Barton. "I just need a favor, and I'll leave you alone forever. Just one. You want to see somebody live for once, don't you?"

"I'm not going back in time to save Loki," said the Doctor. "I can't. It's not allowed."

"I'm not asking you to," said Barton, stepping into the Tardis.

"What are you asking?"

"Take me back to Kronos," said Barton.

1 All credits for Fluffy to Alassiel in How to Live with a Demigod 101.


	2. SAotTTR 2

_Warning: Spoilers herein for Star Trek: Into Darkness. I tried to keep them to a minimum but they are present._

_CCGaylord, the Doctor is Ten. I wanted him to be close to Nine/Malekith._

* * *

It took the Doctor a couple of tries to get into the right slot of time and space, firstly because, after thinking through everything and plotting it on a timetable, Barton decided they needed a different time than the Doctor had originally gone to. Eventually, however, they ended up on the Starfleet ship _Enterprise_.

"The thing about these people," the Doctor said, peering out the door, "is they don't recognize a spaceship when they see one. They thought I was a piece of flotsam last time and tried to recycle us."

"Well, hopefully they know who you are now," said Barton.

"Maybe," said the Doctor, following Barton out into the large ship. "Make sure you keep the door shut, I don't want any tribbles, please. I got one last time. Had to feed it to one of the Racnoss."

"I'm sure that broke your heart."

"It killed the Racnoss."

"Oh," said Barton. "You should have just used a gun."

"I hate guns."

"You're bipolar."

"Oh, yes."

"Oi!" A voice interrupted them and a blond man in a red suit came towards them, waving a wrench. "Who are you?"

Barton spread his arms out. "Oh my gosh, Benji? (1)"

"Brandt?" The man waved his wrench more vigorously, but this time in a welcoming manner. "Is that you? What are you doing here? In that getup?"

"It's Halloween," said Barton. "What are _you_ doing here? I thought you were still with Hunt. What's with the accent?"

"I stopped the whole IMF thing a while back," said Benji. "New career, you know."

"Oh, I forgot," said Barton. "I guess it's been a while, hasn't it? I'm time traveling, by the way. This is my friend, the Doctor. Doctor, this is Benji."

"Oh, they call me Scotty now," said Benji. "New name, sorta."

"Yes, um, we've met," said the Doctor.

"Really?" asked Barton.

"I don't remember," said Scotty.

"Oh, you haven't got to that yet," said the Doctor (2).

"When?" asked Barton.

"Spoilers," said the Doctor. "Sorry." He didn't look very happy and Barton decided not to press the issue.

"So," Barton said, "Scotty/Benji, I need you to help me out."

"With what?" asked Scotty.

"Um," said Barton, "you're not going to like it, and I know Kirk isn't."

"Wait, you've met the Captain?"

"Heard about him, more like," said Barton. "First, let me see if I've got this straight. You already defeated Khan, right?"

"Yes," said Scotty. "What's with this time traveling thing, bit spotty, isn't it?"

"Sometimes," said Barton. "I'm just making sure. So, er, where is he?"

"In the storage area, below. Why?"

"This is what you're not going to like," said Barton. "I need him."

"But why?" repeated Scotty.

"There's somebody," said Barton, "that is going to die. No, has already died, and I need to – you know?"

"Oh," said Scotty. "Oh, I see. But you can't do that, he's in cryogenic sleep, his blood won't flow."

"Yeah," said Barton. "I thought of that."

"Oh," said Scotty again. "Yeah, Kirk's not going to like this. Isn't there – anything else you can do?"

"It's not very easy to bring people back to life," said Barton.

Scotty sighed and looked around him.

"You still owe me," said Barton. "For putting me in that computer."

"Oh, come on," said Scotty, "that was ages ago!"

"It was technically last week for me," said Barton.

"Oh, so you're still sore," said Scotty, nodding. "OK. Now it makes sense why when you came back you were so –"

"I came back?" asked Barton. "Really?"

"Barton," said the Doctor. "Spoilers."

"Oh, right," said Barton. "OK."

"Why is he calling you Barton?" asked Scotty.

"Why are you calling yourself Scotty? Pseudonym."

"I get it," said Scotty. "All right. But look, I can't help you. Kirk would kill me if you let Khan loose."

"I'm not saying I'm going to let him loose," said Barton.

"Well if you wake him up Kirk will kill him as soon as look at him," said Scotty.

"We'll sneak him off," said Barton. "We've got a ship."

"And then what are you going to do with him?"

"We can put him back to sleep."

"You would need Bones to do that. In fact, you need Bones to wake him up at all."

"OK. Get Bones."

"I don't know that Bones will help you."

"Bring him down here, let me talk to him."

"OK," conceded Scotty, "but if he turns you in to Kirk, it's on you."

"Kirk can come at me," said Hawkeye. "I can handle his crew."

"Barton," said the Doctor.

"I didn't say I would kill them," said Barton. "Stop ruining my presence."

Scotty went off to find Bones and Barton and the Doctor waited by the Tardis.

"You sure you want to go through with this?" asked the Doctor. "Letting a man like that loose could be very dangerous."

"It's OK," said Barton. "I'm sure he'll be pretty groggy and I can take care of him."

"He could still escape. Besides, you can't just use someone like that, it's not very ethical."

"He's a genocidal maniac."

"You still can't turn him on and off at will."

Barton sighed. "What should I do, then?" he asked. "I can't offer him his freedom. There's no other option."

"I have an idea," said the Doctor, taking out his fob watch and twisting it in his hand.

"What?" asked Barton. "Oh. No. How does that even work? It doesn't work on people, does it?"

"Well," said the Doctor, "Khan isn't exactly human. But he's not a Time Lord either, which means that whatever effect this had would probably be permanent. However, Captain Kirk would definitely not approve of this and it could be complicated."

"Who cares what Captain Perfect Hair approves of?" asked Barton.

"Excuse me," said the Doctor, ruffling his hair. "Don't even."

"Sorry," said Barton, running a hand through his own. "You're right. I'm the only one who deserves that moniker."

The Doctor sulked.

"I think we should do it," said Barton. "At least give him the choice. That may make him willing to help us out."

"Or not."

"Or not," repeated Barton. "Here comes Bones."

"This is an old friend of mine, Brandt," said Scotty, coming up with a dark-haired man in a blue shirt.

"Barton," said Barton.

"Sorry, Barton," corrected Scotty. "And that's his friend the Doctor."

"Look, I'm the Doctor here," said Bones. "What's going on? How did you two get aboard?"

"We flew," said Barton, gesturing to the Tardis. "Look, Bones, I need your help. And before you say it's stupid, I'm going to save somebody's life. Surely as a physician you understand the importance of that?"

"Sometimes you just can't save them," said Bones. "Nothing you can do."

"But this time there is something I can do," said Barton.

"Who is this person?" asked Bones. "Your wife? Your daughter?"

"Um," said Barton. "He's just a friend – sort of."

"A friend sort of. What does that mean, you were supposed to catch him alive? You're a bounty-hunter, aren't you? You have the look. Why are you still using bows? Isn't that ancient? Where are you from?"

"He's doing this for purely altruistic motives," interrupted the Doctor. "Please, Bones, we need you."

"I'm not taking Khan out of cryogenic sleep until I know who and what you're doing this for."

"He's the brother of a friend of mine," said Barton.

"Where's the friend?" asked Bones.

"Busy kind of saving London," said Barton.

"Oh," said Bones.

"His brother died helping him," said Barton.

"But why does it mean so much to you?" asked Bones.

"Does that matter?"

"Yeah."

"OK." Barton took a breath. "He trusted me. He asked me for help and I let him down. I'm pretty much the only person who cares about him in the world. Probably the universe. And frankly I hate him but if I were where he is I'd want him to do something for me."

"So his brother doesn't care about him?"

"Unfortunately, they've had a couple fallings-out."

Bones frowned. "Khan isn't my prisoner," he said.

"Whose is he?" asked Barton, sighing.

"Mr. Spock's. And Mr. Spock isn't going to listen to any of your eyewash, heartfelt stories. Mr. Spock doesn't deal with that rubbish. Mr. Spock hates Khan."

"Well, we're not asking Mr. Spock, then," said Barton.

"I can't unfreeze Khan," said Bones, "and Scotty can't witness it."

"Are you saying you could if Scotty didn't witness?"

"No. I would never willingly betray my ship."

"But," said Barton, "I hear in your tone of voice that you want to help us."

"You came this far for someone who's nothing to you," said Bones. "I wish I could help."

Barton raised his bow, strung with an arrow, and pointed it between Bones's eyes.

"Agent Barton!" cried the Doctor.

"Doctor," said Barton, coolly, "please tie Scotty up. Gently of course. This is what you want, then Bones? This will fool the cameras."

"You're going to be in huge trouble," said Bones, "but yeah, this will work. If you'll just follow me, gentlemen."

Barton shoved him in the back, making it look rougher than it was. "Thank you very much," he said.

The Doctor tied up Scotty rapidly and followed them down into the storage area.

"Here he is," said Bones. "Keep the tough look, there are cameras here, too."

The Doctor raised his screwdriver at the camera and turned it off. "Take that bow off him, Barton," he said.

"OK, whatever," said Barton. "Unfreeze him, Bones?"

"He might kill us," said Bones. "He's utterly capable of it."

"I'll talk to him," said the Doctor. "I have an offer to make."

Bones grabbed for a syringe, but the Doctor stayed his arm.

"Wait," he said. "You can't without asking."

"What?" asked Bones. "We take a tube and we put him back to sleep. It's the only safe way."

"Look, I don't like that this happened in the first place," said the Doctor. "You shouldn't freeze people."

"He's dangerous!"

"But he's a person!" shouted the Doctor.

"Bones," said Barton. "I guess we should tell you that we don't intend to let you put him back in there."

"Kirk is going to kill me."

"Kirk is going to kill me," corrected Barton. "Or try. I'd like to see him. Anyway, that doesn't matter. You let Khan out, we're going to take him away."

"Why?"

"Because it's not fair to use somebody like a commodity," said the Doctor. "He ought to have a choice. We're going to give him one."

"What if he refuses?" demanded Bones.

Barton looked at the Doctor.

"We'll make a deal," he said. "If he refuses, you can put him back to sleep."

"And we won't take anything," added the Doctor.

Barton sighed. "And we won't take anything. But I don't think he'll refuse."

Bones looked at them, then at the casket, then back at them.

"Since you've got me at arrow-point," he said, "I don't see that I have much option. Stand back, and watch out."

He fiddled with the controls, and Barton and the Doctor watched breathless. The frost on the glass began to dissipate, and as they watched the cold, blue eyes in the pale face suddenly shot open. Bones glanced at Barton, Barton's fingers tightened around the string of his bow, the Doctor stood calmly watching. Bones pulled back the glass on the casket, and Khan sat slowly up.

_1 See "Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol"_

_2 See "The Long Game," Doctor Who_


	3. SAotTTR 3

_Warning: Still spoilers ahead._

_Note: I like Kirk a lot, but he's kind of evil in this one. Sorry. It isn't personal. I just love Kirk whump a lot._

_CCGaylord, Thor is not important in this story, unfortunately._

* * *

"Why have I been awakened?" asked Khan, looking around.

"Hello," said Barton. "We need you to do a favor for us."

"What type of favor?" asked Khan.

"We need an ounce or so of your blood," said Barton.

"Pfft," said Khan.

"In exchange," said the Doctor, quickly, "we offer you your freedom."

Khan raised an eyebrow, more in interest than snobbery. "I have a feeling that isn't yours to offer," he said, glancing at Bones.

"Well, it is right now," said Barton. "This is our proposition; you donate your blood to our cause, and we will give you a new chance. On Earth, in the past, as a normal, human being."

"Nonsense," said Khan, "never."

"Well, it's not like you'll be normal," said the Doctor. "But you won't be yourself normal. Look, have you seen one of these before?" He held up his fob watch.

"Yes," said Khan.

"Well," said the Doctor. "Do you know what it does?"

"Yes," said Khan.

"What do you say?" asked Barton.

"It's better than sitting here on ice," said the Doctor.

Khan thought for a minute. Before he could answer, a loud alarm began ringing across the ship. Barton, Bones, and the Doctor jumped.

"They've found Scotty!" said Bones. "Either that or turning off the cameras scared them. They'll be coming down here pretty quick."

There was a pounding on the door to the storage room.

"Quick!" said Barton to Khan. "Lie down and play dead." He replaced the glass on the casket as Khan reluctantly lay down. Bones backed off, lifting his hands in defense.

"This is on you guys," he said. "I'm not fighting my crew."

Barton strung an arrow, but the Doctor stopped his hand.

"No!" he said.

"They're going to kill us," said Barton.

"No, they're not," said the Doctor. "Not without knowing what we're here for. Just leave this to me."

The door burst open as someone threw his weight against and two red shirts sprawled into the room. They were followed by a very irate Captain James Tiberius Kirk, who came striding into the room with his neon-blue eyes flashing radiation. He was followed by Mr. Spock, whose face was, as always, completely stoic.

"What's going on?" demanded Kirk, coming up so that he was six inches from Barton's face. He gave Barton one long look from head to toe, then turned to the Doctor and gave him a look, too. "What are you doing in here? How did you get on my ship? What are you doing with Bones?"

"Oh, shut up," said the Doctor.

Kirk's eyes widened in shock, then blazed a bit more. Barton stepped graciously out of the way so that the two could battle it out. Kirk walked up to the Doctor and stared him in the face. The Doctor had lost his usual, happy-go-lucky air and was serious and, quite honestly, frightening. He stared at Kirk without blinking for a second.

"Who the h*** are you?" asked Kirk, lowering his voice.

"I'm the Doctor."

"What. Are. You. Doing. On. My. Ship?"

"I don't think you heard that right," said the Doctor, more sternly. "I'M THE DOCTOR. Do you get that?"

"I don't care what you are, I want to know what you're doing on my ship. The only reason you're not floating in space right now is because I'm giving you a chance. So explain, or I'll tell my men to heave you and your friend and your porta-potty spaceship overboard!"

"Oops," said Barton, as the Doctor's hair visibly fluffed up and his eyes narrowed. Barton placed a hand on Kirk's shoulder. "Shouldn't have said that, buddy, now you're as good as dead." He stopped short as Spock pressed a blaster against his temple.

"Let go of the Captain," said Spock.

"OK, OK." Barton let go. "I didn't mean anything."

The Doctor and Kirk were still staring at each other.

"It's not a porta-potty, it's called the Tardis," said the Doctor. "And me and my friend are only here to help." He may have talked nice, but his voice was scary.

"Help who?"

"Barton has a friend who's dead," said the Doctor. "We need Khan to save him."

"You're not touching Khan."

"What are you going to do with him?" demanded the Doctor. "Keep him here until all of you die? We'll take him off your hands, we won't make a mess, we'll leave and you'll be rid of him."

"I don't want that."

"Yes you do, only you don't know it!" argued the Doctor. "This man we're trying to save, he's someone who was very important to your father."

"Don't bring my father in!" said Kirk. "And how can you possibly know that?"

"Look, I can't explain, just, please. We need Khan more than you do."

"Too bad."

"Why does it mean this much to you?" asked the Doctor. "He saved your life countless times!"

"Shut up."

"Look at you! You tiny human and your little crew! You can't keep Khan frozen forever and anyway, why would you? Is that how advanced your society is? Freezing people when you can't control them anymore? That's not civilized, that's simply ignorant."

Kirk began to seethe.

"Look," he said, lowering his voice a menacing couple of notches, "you are either stowaways or spies and as captain of this ship I have every right to kill you if I perceive you to be a threat. Right now you are pretty close to dead."

"Oh, I'm a threat all right," said the Doctor. "And now I tell you this, Captain Far From Perfect Hair, you turn over Khan to us right now, or I will be very, very angry."

Kirk scowled.

"Well, you listen to me, Dr. Too Much Hair," he growled, "You're not touching that casket, you're not getting Khan, and you're not leaving this ship. Mr. Spock, take the archer to detention. Bones, get a kit and bring this one to the medical ward. I want to run some tests on him. I don't think he's as human as he looks."

"So you can freeze me, too, I suppose?" asked the Doctor, as the red-shirted men grabbed Barton and him by the arms.

"Doctor, we don't have time for this," said Barton.

"You're not allowed to kill anyone," said the Doctor.

"I don't plan to," said Barton, and flipped the man behind him over his head onto Spock's.

Spock fired with his blaster, but Barton swung his bow around and knocked it out of his hand. Kirk whirled around, grappling for a gun, but as he raised it the Doctor broke from his captor's hold and grabbed his arm so that he fired at the ceiling. Kirk swung around hit the Doctor in the face, sending him sprawling, then lined up his gun at Barton's head. Barton, who had jumped on top of Spock, rolled over so he was shielded from the Captain.

And then, Khan smashed through the glass in the casket and stood up. Kirk turned again, but in a second Khan was on top of him, raining blows on his head. Spock, suddenly deciding Barton wasn't very important, jumped off of him and fell upon Khan. Barton, annoyed by this, whirled his bow and knocked him off his feet. Then he brought down his hand in a sweeping cut behind Spock's pointy ear and the Vulcan was out cold. Over on the other side of the room, the Doctor was still grappling with the man in the red shirt. Bones was finally intervening, but only because it was obvious Khan was about to kill Kirk. Kirk was fighting back bravely, but his face was a mess and it was a wonder he was able to see anything. Barton fell on him, twisted his arms behind his back, and forced him not too roughly to his knees.

The Doctor stood over the red shirt, looking sad. Apparently, the man had fallen and banged his head. Bones had been thrown across the room by a backwards blow from Khan and was struggling to his feet. Khan stood in the center of the desolation, approving of his handiwork. He looked at Kirk on the floor and gave him another blow across the face.

"Stop!" cried Barton. "He's down, man, stop it!"

"Khan," said the Doctor, interceding. "I guess this means you accept our offer?"

"You filthy #%$&amp;s," grunted Kirk, through his teeth.

"Look," said the Doctor, squatting down to face him. "I'm so sorry. We didn't ask Khan to jump out of there."

"If you ask me," said Barton, "you did."

Kirk said nothing, only scowled.

"Let him go, Agent Barton," said the Doctor. Barton let go of Kirk, who tried to rise but was too beat up. Khan looked highly disgusted by the entire show. It was evident he didn't like the Doctor very much.

"You guys are crazy," said Bones, who was the only member of the crew besides Kirk still conscious. "You can see, he's a killing machine. You shouldn't have woken him up."

"Yes, well, don't make him mad," said Barton, watching Khan carefully as he turned around to give Bones a disgusted look.

"They won't let you off this ship," said Kirk, hoarsely. "Lieutenant Uhura is coming down with more men and they will kill you."

"I don't think so," said Khan, grabbing his collar and hoisting him to his feet. "They'll have to shoot through you."

"What?" asked Barton. "Khan, just leave the guy alone, OK?"

"Our hostage," said Khan.

"Wait, no, no, no," said the Doctor. "I'm not having that poor excuse for a haircut in my Tardis, do you hear?"

Khan dropped Kirk. "All right," he said. "That one, then." He pointed at Bones.

"No," said Barton, "he's our friend."

"You'll answer for this, Dr. McCoy," said Kirk, angrily. Bones raised his hands.

"Captain, they made me."

"Bones's hair is fine," said the Doctor. "He can come." Barton took hold of Bones before Khan could.

"All right," he said. "Let's go, then. Khan, keep your feet away from Kirk! Doctor, if you would open the door?"

They went out into the corridor. A group of red shirts was rushing towards them, led by Lieutenant Uhura, but Barton pushed Bones between them.

"Don't shoot!" he said. Uhura paused, lifting her hand.

"Your boyfriend and your captain are dead," said Khan, in his deep, cold voice. "Let us through or your doctor will be as well."

"He's lying!" said the Doctor, stepping in quickly. "They're fine, really. But we do suggest you let us through."

"I was trying to be strategic," said Khan, looking at the Doctor with displeasure.

"Keep your mouth shut," said Barton, through his teeth. "You're our prisoner, OK? Just in case it isn't clear, we can and will chuck you out into space if you don't play by the rules. And the Doctor makes those rules."

"I could kill you both," said Khan, looking down at him patronizingly.

"I've fought a god," said Barton, getting closer to him. "And no matter what you think of yourself, you aren't one of those, so shut up."

"Stop it, you two," said the Doctor. "I'm trying to talk to the crew."

"Sorry," muttered Barton.

"Let us get to our ship," said the Doctor, "and no one will get hurt. That's a promise, just let's stop trying to kill people, OK?"

Uhura sighed.

"Let them through," she said.

The red shirts parted, and Barton, the Doctor, Khan and Bones forged their way to the Tardis. Scotty lifted a hand secretly in a wave to Barton. Barton nodded at him.

"Catch you later, Benji," he muttered as he passed.

They jumped into the Tardis, the Doctor hit the buttons, and they were gone.

"Man, Kirk is going to kill me when I go back," said Bones.

"He'll be too worried," said the Doctor. "And too relieved."

"Enjoy yourself," said Barton, slapping him on the back. "Maybe the Doctor will take you for a ride in time and space as consolation."

"Don't touch anything, Khan," said the Doctor sternly, as Khan paced around the Tardis. "Bones, maybe you want to take that blood now."

"Brought a syringe with me just for the job," said Bones, pulling it out. "All right, big fella, hold out your arm."

Khan rolled his eyes and his sleeve, as if to say "Not again."

"I can't stand shots," said Barton, to the Doctor, refusing to watch.

"That's it," said Bones, rolling down Khan's sleeve. "Let's get this thing done, now."

Barton put a hand on Khan's shoulder. "Thanks, bruh," he said. "You win the award for blood donor of the year. Remind me to make you a pin when we get home."

"How do I know you will keep your word?" asked Khan.

"Apparently you've already answered that question for yourself, or you wouldn't be here," said Barton.

"He means to kill us all," said Bones. "So he has nothing to worry about even if we don't."

"Shush," said Barton. "Are you determined to annoy him?"

"You have the blood," said Khan. "Give me what you promised."

"We don't have time," said Barton. "Wait a bit, will you?"

"We have all of time and space," said the Doctor. "Khan is right. We should keep our promise, Agent Barton."

"All right, well, hurry up," said Barton.

"Khan," said the Doctor, turning to face him and growing very serious indeed, "Khan, listen to me. You have killed countless people, and one of them was someone who was very special to me. I won't forget that you killed Mickey Smith. But I'm forgiving you, and I'm giving you another chance. This thing," he held up the fob watch, "will only make you human. It won't make you a good man. But I'm going to let you use it in the hopes that someday, if you're very, very lucky, you might become one. Please try."

"Give me what you owe," said Khan.

"All right," said the Doctor, pulling down a machine from the ceiling. "Put this on and grit your teeth. It's going to hurt."

* * *

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